I mentioned before that I'm doing a 6 week online bootcamp. It started immediately after my 10 day cleanse and requires accountability to my online bootcamp instructor, Lindsay. One of her rules is you ditch the scale for 6 weeks. Since I knew I wasn't going to be near my scale at the end of the 6 weeks I decided to get on the scale today.
It started with a thought "I just want to see where I am." then the conversation went to "what if it's only this number.. what if I didn't lose that much.. if I only weigh this I'm going to be upset.. I know, I'll measure first because I know I have lost inches and then it won't matter what the scale says.."
So I started with a measure - lost 5.5 inches. Not bad, not sure what I expected but I was ok with it. Then I got on the scale. Down 4.5 pounds. Seriously? That's it? It's been 5 weeks and that's it? Now, don't try to make me feel better yet. Don't list all the positives yet. I'll get there for you, give me a sec.
The morning and afternoon was a series of distractions and unmotivated struggles to get anything done. I couldn't think straight. I was dragging. I texted Lindsay, maybe I need some more protein, maybe I need some B-12. Took my B-12, took my nrf2 pill, had some nuts and an apple and started to feel better. Drank a superfood green smoothie and taught my water class. Periods throughout the day crazy cravings started popping up. Where's all the chocolate I used to have in this house? If I eat this block of cheese and don't tell anyone it won't matter right? Man, some french toast sounds really good about now. Huh? Where did those thoughts come from? I haven't thought about any of that for 6 weeks! Thank goodness I have an accountability partner today! It kept me from actually eating any of these things.
Then it HIT ME! All this.. the dragging.. the cravings.. the inability to think straight were all a direct result of that stupid number on the scale! It measured my success in a way that was completely unfair. The number on that scale made me feel like I was not doing this right and I know for a fact that I am. I totally get why the rule was set for this 6 week period and I thank Lindsay for that! I would not have realized how toxic my relationship with the scale really is. And the most enlightening thing about it is how that toxic relationship works against the other toxic relationship, the one with food. I started to see how it worked in the past. If the scale showed a good number it allowed me some room to eat something I really enjoyed. If the scale showed a bad number it allowed me to wallow in my self pity over something I really enjoyed. The cycle continues on and on and is never ending. The way I felt about the scale mentally drove cravings that my body didn't really have anymore. Now, I know about emotional ties to food. I already discussed that in my first post "The Past and the Purpose" but what I didn't realize was the emotional tie I had to the stupid scale that then cycled into emotional food choices as a result. Doesn't that seem wrong?
As a Weight Watchers leader I saw this on a weekly basis. Ladies would STARVE themselves to get a good number on the scale so they could "afford" themselves the opportunity to pig out after the meeting. They had a whole week to get that meal off, so what? Sometimes that one meal would spiral them into the next meal and the weekend and so on. As a leader I had to weigh in every month to stay accountable and they recommend when you become a lifetime member that you weigh every day so you can stay in line. Nope. Not gonna happen. My relationship with the scale is OVER! Why?
Well for one, after looking closer to my results I realized that in just 6.5 weeks I have lost almost 10 pounds and 16 inches! Not too shabby. I have seen results like this but it took me at least 6 months due to my toxic relationship with the scale. The last time I had a transformation period I lost 12 pounds and at least 16 inches. Had I not taken my measurements back then I would have quit numerous times because that number just didn't go down fast enough. Thankfully I can see clearly now the scale is GONE!
Two, if you read any of the fitness magazines and read through the weight loss stories you will find that for most people to get from where they were to their ultimate goal it took YEARS! The one I read yesterday: she started at 260, had an epiphany, made a couple of changes (exercise and cut fast food) a year of this took off 40 pounds. Now motivated she cleans up her diet a little more and down 30 pounds the following year. With all the new self esteem she drives herself to start running races and over the next two years she drops the rest of her weight and runs a marathon and is now training others. If she had instead gone on a liquid diet or some such other fad massive weight loss diet and lost all the weight within 6 months there are parts of this journey that wouldn't exist that are critical to overall success: small changes made it doable, self esteem increased that resulted in not only milestones she could be proud of but a complete change in a more fulfilling career. Am I ok with this taking years? WHY YES because this is NOT about the number on the scale. This is not about my weight - haven't I said that like 5 times already? It just took a stupid number on the scale to bring to light yet another enlightening thought about this journey:
THE SCALE IS NOT WELCOME! There is no room on this journey for the scale and anyone that cares too much about the number on the scale - I encourage you to join me in ditching the stupid thing. You will know if you have lost weight. Your clothes will tell you.
The new rules to ensure that I don't gain weight (to keep from needing to weigh):
Eat until I'm full or satisfied and stop there
Eat only when I'm hungry
Knowing what I'm eating there's no way I will gain if I eat this clean and follow these rules. The scale is no longer needed. The breakup is complete. I'm sorry, scale, it's not you it's me. This relationship is no longer working for me. Who's with me?
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