Coming CLEAN

So it's been a while since I have "come clean" with how I'm doing on this journey.  Partly because I wasn't sure the 4 followers I still have even care and partly because I wasn't really sure where I was.  This has been a struggle of a journey in some respects.  But too I think that looking back and seeing the big picture I find that I am completely normal.

I started out with a strong desire to find perfect, incredible health.  That "oneness" with your body that comes from eating clean and being consciously aware of what you are putting in your body.  I believe I felt that on some level and stayed there for a little while.  The better I ate the better I felt, the more obstacles I overcame the more confident I was that I could do this.  It became habit and some of those habits still remain.  There are some people who can do perfect 100% of the time.  Or maybe we have the illusion that they do.  I will never know.  I know that for someone who has struggled MY WHOLE LIFE - it's hard to be all in 100% of the time.  I also know I am not alone in this and it is THOSE people I want to reach in this blog.  The perfect people are not reading this blog.  They are reading blogs from the greats like Rich Roll and Matt Frazier.  And those guys are reading blogs from their greats.  We are all trying to better ourselves and I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else.  I do know that I have a passion for health and wellness.  I have a strong desire to motivate and inspire others to better health.  To do that I have to be real with you.  And I have to be real with myself. 

So you read about my struggles around my birthday.  I pulled myself out of it occasionally and then went on a trip to LA for a conference.  I went a couple of days early to see the sights.  I was by myself and on a seriously tight budget.  I brought my shakes with me so I could add water and get lots of nutrients when needed.  I found TONS of restaurants that catered to my hippie foodstyle (I think I just made that up because I hate the word "diet").  Mentally I felt great!  My energy was the most positive it has ever been and if I were not rooted in God and His purpose for my life I would have thought moving to California would help me "find myself".  But I don't need to do that.  When I got back from my trip it was evident to those in my daily life that I had changed.  My energy was different.  I had no idea what that meant or what to do with it all and I FREAKED!  In an odd way I shut down.  I didn't know what to do next.  I didn't know how to bring home all that positive energy and make something with it.  I couldn't be alone with my thoughts because they didn't make sense.  In time I may figure it out but for the time being I have learned to live with it.  I know that was a major kill of the climax to my story but that's all I can say right now.  No major resolutions except to say I believe God has a plan so much bigger than me and little by little He is helping me along.

So the holidays took it's toll because my head was not in the game.  Overall not that bad but sweets played a bigger role than I had hoped.  A majority of the time I have eaten really well but old habits die hard.  Mexican habits die harder.  SOOOO I suffered through another cleanse.   Just ended yesterday.  It jump started the weight loss but the best part was it helped me find that happy place where I'm treating my body to the good things.  I'm drinking the happy shakes that make me feel like I just got up from a good nap within 10 minutes.  And the best part about it is:  I'm not starting over.  I'm not "getting back on the wagon" because I refuse to look at this as something I can't do.  I think we do that all too often.  We make ourselves feel like everything we have done is for naught because we weren't perfect for a while.  We learn a lot about ourselves, our plan, our self talk during that time.

I know what to expect this time.  I know the pitfalls both emotionally and physically and I know I can either choose to allow it or choose to fight.  I hope I choose to fight this time because this feeling is so worth it.  I will be blogging more often so hopefully the 4 of you will have something to read a couple of times a week.  Thank you for sticking with me.  If the journey to better health is a struggle for you just know you are not alone.  You are completely normal.  The question is:  are you willing to come clean and fight?