Now I know God is perfect, the son of God is perfect, heaven is perfect, salvation through sanctification will give you the perfect connection with God. You can live in perfect harmony with God and have perfect peace. I love that and cherish that with every fiber of my being.
But in a world of so many choices and so many standards and so many critics - is perfection an illusion? Take the Olympics for instance, do the judges really know what perfect is or is it just the best that athlete is doing measured by the best someone else has done? Who determines what a perfect 10 looks like? It's only as good as the last person who did better than everyone else. So if I'm measuring myself to perfection does anyone really know what that looks like?
I started out with the idea that I was going to have to be perfect to succeed. But who determines what that is? Is perfection the destination? All these questions come to mind because I have NOT been perfect. I'm not sure I feel bad about it either, not because I want to stay here because I don't but I do need to feel better about where to go from here. What makes me feel better is reiterating again that this is a JOURNEY. A journey that I get to decide what the roads look like.
So to fill in what has been going on since my birthday in August... it was crazy really. I couldn't seem to find my way back to where I once was. It was like the compromises I made around my birthday changed my desires again. My gut flora got tainted with the unhealthy choices and started to change what I wanted. My cravings for chocolate came back. There were times I could get a grip on it and times I felt like I was wandering around like a lost puppy. This led to a slight, mild depression. Feeling of failure. Again. I can't commit to anything over 3 months because I have the "Brooks curse". Seriously, track the commitment level of any Brooks relative. If they have the curse you will see it. They get excited and they are all in for 2-3 months then like a beagle tracking a fox in the woods..."SQUIRREL"! I'm determined to beat it on this. I will not let it steal this from me.
When I analyze the last few months along with the rest of my journey starting as far back as high school I have made significant progress. My default now, my "normal" is a healthy one. The amount of time I eat unhealthy is much shorter than it used to be due in part to the horrible feeling that accompanies unhealthy eating. I'm thankful for that. The holidays were challenging but I found that when the meal at lunch with the family was too much I wanted an Apple Berry shake for dinner. The flood of nutrients in my body made me feel remarkably better in under 15 minutes. My desire to take care of my body is still there. My brain needs some serious training. That's where my focus is going next. The brain is so powerful that it can help me get where I want to go and maintain it. I'm reading "You are what you think" by David Stoop and it's been fascinating the power of Self Talk. He talks about this one study for treating depression there were 2 groups tested - one using only anti-depressants and the other using only positive self talk treatment with no medications. After 12 weeks 20% of the medicated group recovered while a whopping 75% of the self talk group recovered and a year later these percentages stayed the same. So in keeping with these findings I'm going to use my positive self talk and say things aren't so bad. The journey is progressing through the holidays and I still rarely eat meat. The sweet addiction can use an overhaul and I'm hoping I can do that by just diverting from the cravings and choosing other things. I'm hoping that some distance from the daily sweet will give me some power back so I don't have to suffer through another cleanse... but I guess there are worse things... At least I can say there is progress. That is easier to maintain than perfection which is only an illusion anyway...
